The Double Standard

My mothering diligence has backfired. Jeff and I usually correct Anna's two-year-oldness (i.e. whining, yelling, hitting, etc.) with some variation of "be kind."

"Can you ask kindly?"
"We only use kind words."
"Taking toys is not kind."

And so on.

Today I was not patient. I was sleep-deprived and generally grumpy. I got after Anna for something or other and she looked at me with tear-filled eyes (tears that I caused) and said, "Mommy, be kind. Be kind, Mommy."

And that's what we call guilt, folks.

4 Months

First, the stats:

18 lbs 9 oz -- 97th percentile
26 1/4 inches --90th percentile

head circumference -- 50th percentile

Second, some Four-Month-Favorites:

(peek-a-boo, crib mobile, the bounce-swaddle combo, Anna, nakedness)

Third, the Chub:

I'm completely smitten.

Getting My Gala On

Jeff's hospital sponsored a table at the North Metro Denver Chamber of Commerce Annual Gala and Silent Auction. It was a black tie affair, so we gussied ourselves up, dropped the children off with a sitter, and made our way to the Westin Hotel. Besides having an excuse to slip on my fantastic new heals, I would have much rather caught a movie. But then, I might have missed Funkiphino: The Twelve Piece Funk Sensation. I would have also missed out on bidding and winning luxury suite tickets to Disney Playhouse Live!, complete with VIP parking. There was also some excellent people watching. Apparently there is a wide variety of what would be considered "black tie." There were some serious gowns and tuxes goin' on as well as bad suits with tennies (on a state congressman no less! Scandalous.)

My favorite part of the evening? Definitely the post-gala Rock Band session where I score a 97% singing Creep. Rock on.

This is the girl I know and love...

I couldn't help myself. After Anna started feeling better I felt like I needed to document how she's supposed to be. I got a little carried away...

Serve Me Up Some Perspective

I'm now a couple of weeks removed from Anna's croup ordeal and I've found some perspective in reflection. Let's just say that my attitudes concerning my current domesticity haven't been the most positive the last couple of months. This major kick in the rear has helped me realize a few things:

First, I have a new found respect for single parents. The few hours I was without a spouse were the hardest of the whole ordeal. When Jeff arrived from Denver the emotional weight and worry were immediately lightened. He stayed with Anna at night, sleeping on the awful hospital chair-bed, allowing me to be with Isaac at night. I'm so glad I'm not alone in this whole parenting thing. Hats off to all you single parents who bear the weight on your own.

Second, I'm grateful I stay home with my kids. I don't know that I could confidently say this before last week. It probably would have been more like, I'm glad I can stay home with my kids because I know it's the right thing to do. It was so difficult to be away from Isaac during the day. He couldn't stay with me because Anna was so contagious. My dear mother-in-law and mother bravely forced him to bottle feed so I wouldn't have to drive back and forth every couple of hours. I missed him terribly. I felt like I was short changing both kids. I couldn't give Anna my full attention because I knew Isaac needed to eat, and when I was feeding him I wished I could be at Anna's bedside. Again, so grateful for Jeff.

Finally, tantrums and messes aren't so bad when compared to some alternatives. I missed Anna's spunky, albeit defiant, personality. She couldn't speak and barely had the energy to even communicate at all. Talk about heartbreaking. I think this is the lesson I need remember most. I need to appreciate my two-almost-three year old completely. The messes, tantrums, giggles, crying (who could have guessed I'd miss a cry!). All of it.

It's always easier to be grateful in hindsight of trials and this is no different. Thank goodness it was a relatively quick and dirty experience. I'm glad to be on the other side of this one.

My cup runneth over with appreciation for all our family and friends who prayed and fasted for our family. Thank you, thank you for your concern. Anna is pretty much back to herself. She's finished with all her medications and no longer needs her "cool mist" (nebulizer). Her voice is still a little scratchy, especially when she gets excited or upset. In a couple of weeks we will meet with a Ears, Nose, and Throat Doctor to get Anna's throat sized. This will determine whether or not there was a particular reason Anna's croup was so severe, such as throat polyps or a small wind pipe. Here's hoping it was just a flukey thing.


Pictures: 1) Anna being admitted a second time. 2) Going to the shower room to bathe. 3) Right before the first discharge 4) Right before the second discharge. The last two days Anna had sgebity for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Just a quick note to let you all know that Anna is finally out of the hospital and doing really well. She's slowly regaining strength and wants to run and play. Her voice is starting to return in the form of a croak. She sounds a lot like THIS. Thank you all so much for your prayers and well wishes. More to come later.

Boo to Croup

Anna has been in the hospital for almost a week with a very severe case of croup. After a roller coaster of ups and downs she seems to be on the mend. We finally have Internet access so I'll try to update often here.

Today Anna is still on oxygen, although it's at a very low level. She is still very weak but wants to play. She has even cracked a couple of smiles. Her stridor (wheezing while breathing) returns when the oxygen is turned off, so it looks like it will at least another day until she will be considered for discharge.

Here's the basic recap for the past week. This is more for my benefit than anything else. All the days have run together.

Saturday: Anna wakes up without a voice, is a little grumpy, but still wants to play and have fun.

Sunday: Wakes up wheezing and we immediately know that she needs to see a doctor. We take her to an Instacare where she gets a dose of steroids. It seems to kick in and she's fairly happy until the evening. In the evening her stridor returns with avengence. After trying some home remedies to decrease the symptoms we take her back into Instacare. After a couple of rounds of recimic epinephrine treatments the doctor recommend a visit to Primary Children's Hospital via ambulance. We opt to drive Anna up ourselves. Jeff flies home to Denver for work. At the hospital Anna continues to worsen and freak out as many doctors and nurses poke and prod. Finally after a blessing from Grandpa Larry, we are admitted to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. Anna starts a regiment of recimic epi treatments every hour-hour and a half. With a constant cool mist by mask in between.

Monday: Anna remains in ICU with treatments. No improvement on Stridor, can't breath without cool mist and epi treatments. She has no voice and can only nod yes and no. Jeff flies back to Utah to be with Anna. Meanwhile, Isaac is carted back and forth to the hospitals so I can feed him. He refuses to take a bottle.

Tuesday: Anna starts to improve and goes several hours in between epi treatments. She gets steroids every six hours. She is released from PICU to the medical floor and seems to be really getting better. Still completely weak and exhausted.

Wednesday: More improvements. She goes 20 hours with out a treatment and by the afternoon the doctors are talking discharge. Still no voice, and a terrible cough, but stridor has decreased quite a bit. Anna is discharged about 8:00 pm. Yeah! Home to grandma Marlene's house.

Thursday: 2:00 am Anna wakes up with terrible stridor. Jeff and I try to take her out in the cold air to open her airways, with little success. In the morning we take her to a clinic and from there we are sent back to Primary Children's. She receives an epi with no improvement. This time we couldn't get away with driving ourselves, so Anna rode up on the "fire bus" as she calls it. Back to the ER and back to square one. This time Anna is put on Heliox, a mixture of helium and oxygen. Next we're sent back up to the PICU for more evaluation. No epi treatments. ENT docs come to do a throat scope and find what looks to be like a bacterial infection on top of the original viral infection that caused the croup. Antibiotics, steroids, and heliox continue throughout the day.

Friday: Anna is weaned off heliox and moves to just oxygen through a nose piece. (She had a mask for the heliox.) By afternoon the color to her face improves dramatically and she is speaking a little with whispers. By the evening we get to move out of PICU to a private room. Yeah!